I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
