Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
