Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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