its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
