If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
