After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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