dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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