I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
