can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We have started to decorate penises.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
