I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
