I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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