Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
