I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
