I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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