with your own penis?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
