Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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