I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
