very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
COCAINE IS GR8
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
