Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
