its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
