Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
