well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Please don't give away my fajitas
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
