I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
