don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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