Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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