How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
