Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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