That's intense
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
