Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
