You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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