I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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