Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
