fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
