he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
