There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
