I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
