wake up i wanna do it froggy style
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
