So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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