Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
