You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
