Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
