I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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