I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
