dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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