i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
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