I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
