Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
