dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
