I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
