Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
