best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
