I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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