A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
