I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
