Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
