there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
