Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
