I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
