Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
did you just send me my own nude
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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